Mothers’ living experience of relationship breakdown and divorce: a heuristic inquiry

Relationship breakdown and divorce are deeply personal, often traumatic transitions that can catalyse profound self-discovery and growth. Despite the growing prevalence of lone mother families in UK and the West, research has largely overlooked the subjective experiences of mothers navigating complex socio-emotional and psychological dynamics, focusing instead on the effects of single motherhood on children.

This heuristic study, grounded in the researcher’s autobiographical experience, explores the tacit, unspoken dimensions of mothers’ experiences of relationship dissolution. Employing Moustakas’ heuristic methodology (1990),14 mothers (ages 35–50) participated through interviews, journal entries, and artefacts, revealing the intrapsychic processes shaping their experiences and journeys toward self-discovery and post-traumatic growth.

Nine interconnected themes emerged:1) multiple traumas vortex, 2) dynamic self-identity processes, 3) intrapsychic conflict and body-mind split,4) interpersonal conflicts as trauma re-enactment, 5) multiple transitions and identity shifts, 6) struggles with sex and sexuality as trauma re-enactment, 7) unresolved loss and grief, 8) patriarchal systemic injustice, and 9) self-reclamation: awakening consciousness. Using Wilber’s (1995) integral model, the analysis illuminates the dynamic interplay between personal and systemic trauma within patriarchal contexts, shaping mothers’ experiences across intrapsychic, interpersonal, cultural, and structural dimensions.

Findings highlight the centrality of trauma in shaping these experiences, with "Self-Reclamation" emerging as a pivotal theme. This transformative process unfolds through conscious awareness, personal commitment, and active engagement with grief as a catalyst for post-traumatic growth.

This study advocates for integrated feminist therapeutic approaches, combining psychodynamic and trauma-informed perspectives to address personal and systemic trauma rooted in patriarchal structures. It emphasizes fostering women’s resilience, authentic expression, and post-traumatic growth alongside systemic reforms and community support.

By expanding academic discourse on maternal subjectivity, this study offers a nuanced holistic perspective on the intrapsychic, relational, and systemic factors shaping mothers' experiences, informing more responsive feminist-informed clinical practices and policies for mothers navigating relationship dissolution and single motherhood.